God of War: Can You Say "Crystal Dragon Jesus"?

God of War

If God were to make a video game in all of his glory it would probably be the exact oposite of God of War. God of war is set about the same time as Socrates was corrupting child youth, and Homer was running from cyclops'. You play as a spartan warrior, shamed by killing his child and the woman he loves, due to the tvtropes form of Ares [Whiny and/or spoiled]. Through the entire game you choose to not only stomp on what was left of his manhood, but royaly castrate him with every power the gods have to offer you, and for a faith who's main deity told everyone not to do anything with mortals, there's is a huge amount of Godly smiting. (Ares, you are my bitch)

As for Gameplay it's pretty simple. Hit your controler with a slege hammer aimed specifically at the circle and triangle buttons, and a litte window will pop up saying you just won... immediately. However in hard mode it is... get this... harder. Basically though you have to get used to the fact that, unlike every other game, your right analog stick does not control camera but whether or not Kratos becomes a douche and rolls into oncoming enemies. But still, even though the game pretty much is the living embodyment of Christianity's and Greek Mythologies retarded love child, you have to give the game programmers detail to blood and brutality some credit. I really felt like I was dying. All in all God of War's ESRP Rating was "M" for Blood, Violence, and nudity. Z-Control Rating is a gracious:

Definite Buy

I am Eliot Wolf, of Wolf Den Productions, and this has been Z-Control. Keep Gaming people.